I've long enjoyed Arts and Culture Reporter Andrea Brown's What's Up With That? feature in Everett's The Daily Herald. Still, it's no small challenge to write a newspaper article about animal chaplaincy, a subject for which there can be a lot of depth, books, feelings, and words and more words. Whew! I'm glad Andrea was more than up to it.
Read the article here, which gets to the point right in those headlines: Is your dog or cat grieving? There's an animal chaplain for that Chaplains offer spiritual care for beings of all species: "Absolutely, animals do feel grief and loss."
There is an animal chaplain for that here in Everett, Washington: Shel Graves Animal Consulting. There are more animal chaplains nationwide and internationally: findanimalchaplain.com.
Here are my tips for those grieving the loss of an animal friend and for how to help an animal who is grieving the loss of a friend.
An Everett animal chaplain's tips for those grieving the loss of an animal friend
Here are some suggestions for those grieving the death or loss of an animal and, yes, this applies to an animal you met at the shelter where you volunteer or an animal you saw by the side of the road while driving by as well as the loss of a companion animal. It applies to birds and bunnies, cats and dogs, guinea pigs and goats, squirrels, and possums… you get the idea.
Allow time to acknowledge your grief and mourn the loss.
Take heart. You are not alone. Many feel the loss of animals deeply.
It’s normal to feel like we did not do enough for the animals around us and in our care. Remember, you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. Give yourself grace.
Take time for those things that give you comfort: readings, music, being outside…Look for ways to engage each of your senses. Comfort can be your favorite sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and touches.
One of the hardest parts of losing an animal friend is losing all of those daily activities and routines we did with them. Look for ways to bring those things that give you comfort – readings, music, reflection, time outside etc.-- into those moments. For example, continue to take their usual walk and use that time as reflection. Spend five minutes sitting in the animal’s favorite place while reading a favorite passage or listening to music.
It can help to talk about the loss with someone who can provide compassionate listening. Find an Animal Chaplain: www.findanimalchaplain.com
It can help to find community: whether that’s joining a pet loss support group, attending a Sunday service, joining a hiking or wilderness group, or volunteering at a local animal shelter, rescue, or sanctuary. Try a Compassion Consortium Sunday Service and a Monthly Animal Companion Loss Support Group at www.compassionconsortium.com
Check out these additional resources:
Sacred Sendoffs: An Animal Chaplain’s Advice for Surviving Animal Loss, Making Life Meaningful, & Healing the Planet, by Sarah A. Bowen: www.sacredsendoffs.com
How to help an animal who is grieving the loss of a friend: tips from an Everett animal chaplain
Absolutely, animals do feel grief and loss. They communicate their grief through their behavior. Everyone grieves in their own way and expresses grief differently. You may know your companion animal’s behavior very well and can observe if they are sleeping more, less interested in play, less interested in food, being more vocal etc. A great resource to learn more is How Animals Grieve, by Barbara J. King.
To help grieving animals:
Let them make choices whenever possible including whether to interact or not.
Continue their routines of walk, feeding, and play time as much as possible.
Offer them comfort and companionship. Animals know something has changed. It is OK to express grief around them.
Offer them a little bit more of the things that they love each day. For example: 5-10 minutes of wand toy play for a cat, 5-10 minutes of fetch or trick training for a dog, or 5-10 minutes more of your uninterrupted attention for any animal who enjoys it.
Look for ways to engage each of their senses. Comfort can be favorite sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and touches.
Be aware that the loss may change other relationships in their life. They may seek comfort from other species or the household dynamics between animals may shift and create conflict. Seek advice from your veterinarian or a qualified behaviorist or trainer, if needed. Find Fear Free Professionals in your area.
For companion animals, ask your veterinarian for help if their behaviors are off and they are acting tired, out of sorts, or don’t have much appetite for too long. Your vet may be able to recommend supplements and even medications to help an animal through a difficult transition. It’s always good to rule out any medical condition that may be influencing their behavior as well!
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