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Writer's pictureShel Graves

Not all the pie: What to do with a fearful dog (or cat) at Thanksgiving

The holidays are coming. There are going to be a lot of new foods, new people, new decorations, and new things around your house.


If you were called to invite a new family member into your home and were able, I hope you brought home a new dog in October for Adopt-a-Shelter Dog month. Or, maybe you adopted some time ago and this is your pup’s first holiday season with you (and the extended family).


Around this time, you’ll probably see a lot of good information about how to keep your dog or cat physically safe and keep them from ingesting foods and decor that will be toxic to them. I will leave that to our veterinary experts.


I want to address the other consideration–the emotional and social aspects of the holidays for dogs and cats.


I know you are probably excited for your new family member to enjoy the fun with you. And I do love it when dogs and cats are part of the family and family festivities.

A small dog relaxing in a person's lap.
If it's all the same to you some animals would prefer quiet holidays --especially a new rescue!

Yes! And, my number one advice for a new rescue: Let them opt-out.


Yes, that’s right. They do not need to be part of the action and they really might prefer to mostly sit this one out.


Here are some things that your dog does not need to do:

  • Greet people at the door.

  • Meet every new person.

  • Meet babies and children.

  • Be around and underfoot while food is being prepared.

  • Eat their meal or treats within sight of the family.

  • Go on outings with new people.


Even if you think your dog would be “OK” with these activities, I’d advocate that it may be better for your dog’s first holiday season with you to be relatively uneventful even if it means missing out on some of the fun. 


Instead, I’d recommend:

  • Setting your dog up in a safe room, with a comfy bed, a food puzzle toy or safe chew, and some calming music for dogs when guests first arrive.

  • Use baby gates to keep the dog away from spaces that will get busy like hallways and kitchens.

  • Telling guests that the dog is not available for pets this year. Letting the dog have space.

  • Keeping some of the dog’s routine in place including some one-on-one time with you for walks, games of fetch in the yard, and snuggles.

  • Using fun activities for dogs and food puzzles to keep your dog entertained when you have holiday preparations to make.

  • Rewarding your dog when you see them relaxed and calm on their own.

  • Rewarding your dog for encountering, looking at, or exploring new sights, sounds, and smells


If you think your dog or cat will be very anxious, ask your veterinarian now about calming supplements, pheromones, or medications which can help make the holidays less stressful –and don’t forget about New Year’s Eve fireworks if your dog may be sound sensitive.


What you are trying to avoid are a couple of common scenarios in which the holiday fun could tip over into distress for your dog (and stress for your family!).


  • Avoid the roller coaster effect. It looks like your dog is having fun, but they are actually more anxious, stressy, and out-of-control! 

  • Watch for trigger-stacking or as I like to call it: “The family-friendly perfect dog bit someone at a party out of nowhere!” This is the case where a dog encounters new things in succession that cause a little stress, then a little more, then a bit more, then…a lot. Holy moly! An unexpected snarl, growl, snap, or bite can happen. Think of this like Thanksgiving dinner: you have a little bit of potato, then a little bit of green beans, a little bit of yam, and then by the time you get to the third pie–oh, you wish you hadn’t!


So instead of aiming for this first holiday to be a ton of fun, set your dog or cat up for the future and let them have a pleasant, comfortable experience that they might want to repeat next year. Set them up to feel safe. 


When they are relaxed you can pair new things with good stuff (tasty treats). And remember the order of events: You have the tasty treats on you for a while (the presence or appearance of the treats DOES NOT mean treats). Then, the new thing appears. Pause. And like magic–treats. The new thing makes the treats appear.


Yes, this works with cats, too.


A word about cats: We may not be as concerned about them because cats do a good job of making an exodus when they aren’t comfortable and they are great at hiding. But why not give them the same consideration, so they don’t have to hide out of fear? Fear is no fun. Give them a safe room with all of their favorite things including lots of vertical space for them to climb up on and boxes to hide in. Play calming music for cats. Use Feliway diffusers. Give them fun things to do and spend some one-on-one time with your cat just playing or being with them. 


Happy holidays! Happy cats! Happy dogs! Happy us!


Of course, if you have questions about your individual animal's needs around the holidays or would like to try some training to help them meet new people or get used to new things, Shel Graves Animal Consulting can help. Book an initial consult to get started!






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